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He told me that if I ever got uncomfortable, we didn’t have to go back. He says all the right things—he respects me, he knows a relationship is a two-way street, etc.—but he is constantly furious with me about this, he tells me I don’t contribute anything to our relationship and that we don’t have a true partnership—all because I don’t want to have sex in public with him or with strangers.

I told him I did not want to go to any more sex clubs, and he found a loophole: sex booths at porn shops. Right now, he’s storming around the house in a rage about this and I am tired of it.

I was clearly doing it to get a reaction from the guy I’d just spent the last dream-hour seducing. And when other men have flirted with me, I get similarly aroused for G.

There is definitely a component in that arousal that wants to tease and mock these other men with what they can’t have, even though the teasing is just in my head.

Are there ethical implications to hurting strangers (albeit imaginary ones) for sexual pleasure?

From what little I know of degradation/humiliation kinks, it’s important that the person being degraded is experiencing pleasure and satisfaction.

It turns you on to see your partner through another’s eyes for obvious reasons—when someone else wants to fuck him, you see him with fresh eyes and want to fuck him that much more.

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But could this become a healthy role-playing outlet for me and G?

Bringing someone else in—someone who gets off on the idea of being humiliated—counts as a threesome, even if all your third “gets” to do is be ditched in a bar.

You could even work up to letting your willing third watch and/or listen while your fiancé gets to do what he will never get to do—fuck your amazing brains out—which would allow for the humiliation games to continue all night long.

He has responded not with the gratitude you deserve—for the effort you made, for the permission you gave him—but with emotionally abusive behavior. To make your life a living hell until you consent under duress?

That wouldn’t be genuine consent, DESPAIR, and therefore not consent at all.

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