In-laws such as these may also be motivated by their concern for their grandchild(ren).They are afraid that the widower, in his loneliness, will latch onto anyone in a skirt and forget about his child(ren)'s feelings, thereby putting the child(ren) at risk for yet another roller coaster of emotional upheaval.They use guilt tactics by preying on the widower's obligatory feelings. We should all be together." What they don't realize is that everyone who has lost a loved one (including "Bill") deals with grief in their own way and needs to be able to work it out WITHOUT outside interference.Some in-laws feel that by including the widower in their celebrations, they are doing "the right thing": helping him with his grief - "We don't want Bill to be alone today. It should be "Bill's" choice about how to handle those special grief occasions when they occur, not theirs.He is a lovely man...kind, generous, thoughtful, and I love him dearly.How can I gently communicate more with him about this?
Insights From One Woman’s Journey As The Wife Of A Widower” primarily addresses women married to widowers, I do occasionally receive e-mails from women who are in serious committed premarital relationships with widowers as well.As such, you deserve to be heard.3.) HONOR his late wife by allowing his children their feelings. DO NOT talk negatively about their mother in their presence.4.) DO NOT question your boyfriend’s love for you or compare it to his love for his late wife.You can "own" your insecurities without allowing them to become a wedge between you.5.) TALK TO your boyfriend's former in-laws.They are typically - and NORMALLY - skeptical about her. Doing so makes her REAL and not the saint he would rather put on some unattainable (by YOU! TALK about your issues, how they make you feel, and how the two of you can work on them together as a team.If you are a GOW who struggles with the issue of “fits and starts” with your widowed boyfriend, there are some things you can do to alleviate this cycle of guilt and grief (but be forewarned - these tidbits of advice first require you to be a tower of strength and push your insecurities aside):1.) TALK, TALK, TALK! You are a part of his life and, by default, of his grief.